— I’m going to level with you before you read this. I was really angry when I wrote it. When you have BPD, you get triggered. And your emotions can get the best of you. I wanted to delete this post because I was so embarrassed by my reaction to a dumb tweet that wasn’t even directed at me. They truly were only talking about having body positivity for all sizes, and just so happened to use this sentence which is a trigger for me. This blog has been scheduled for several days and I keep pushing it back worried I look so stupid. But anyway, yeah, here’s me being angry.—
Yeah. I know. I’m so tired of people telling me. Well, not telling me, but proclaiming from their social media rooftops. Real women have curves, right. Okay. Cool. I’ll just sit over here in my 12-year-old boy body while you tell me how much of a waste of space I am.
I get that the world wants everyone to look skinny. But I guarantee you that the people you claim are a size 0 are in fact around a size 3. Something I am desperately trying to achieve, and you know what? It still won’t be good enough for you because I embody a standard that is unobtainable for most. I’m not sorry that my body type is different from yours. I’m not sorry that people starve themselves to look like me because I never told them they had to (I feel like this sounds like I don’t care about eating disorders, and that isn’t the case. I’m just not taking the blame for it.). I thought everyone was fine the way that they were as long as they were happy and healthy. I thought everyone was freaking beautiful. ESPECIALLY THE THICK GIRLS. Why? Because they were a different type of beauty, I could appreciate. You are telling people they have to look a certain way to matter. And that’s messed up.
I get that our world is trying to push skinny on everyone. Well, not really so much anymore. I notice because it went from everyone showing pictures of people who looked like me saying they were pretty, and now my body type is usually replaced with a colorful image of a bag of bones next to a sultry woman in size 16 with large breasts a huge butt and plump lips for the kissin. Why do you do this? Oh, also, something about dog bones. I remember one that made me super upset comparing my body to bones for a dog. Thanks, ladies.
I absolutely love that there is more inclusion in the modeling and acting industry. An industry where you have to be beautiful to succeed and girls in their size 24 are rockin it and looking fabulous. But I don’t see the need to make fun of women like me to climb up this stupid ladder of vanity.
I have to work just as hard as anyone trying to lose weight to gain it. If I get to a size three, I will be beautiful. I will be a real woman. I don’t need your curves. My A frame body pulled straight out of 1995 IS good enough. Stop pushing your insecurities onto me. I don’t need that garbage.
–See? Sad Hippy turned Angry Hippy turned Ashamed Hippy–