I got my wedding dress in today. My husband and I got married in September, but it was a small deal just parents. So now we are having the ceremony in April. And I got my dress today and I have some feelings.
I saw it online and it looked so beautiful on this beautiful model. She was skinny kind of like me (but healthy looking) so I thought it would be nice. It covers my shoulders and my arms so my bones won’t be sticking out. It goes past my feet so you can’t see how veiny and gross they are from being just skin and bones. And it highlights my best feature, my back.
It gapes open on my back and there is a plunge for flat chested girls. You know, the type of dress built for a girl with no curves. And I put it on and looked in the mirror and was like dang.
My chest rib cage is so much. You can see the lines where my bones are. I just can’t believe I forgot about those bones.
It’s something I imagine everyone will be staring at. Making comments about how I need to eat. Making jokes about my husband (a big guy) taking my food. Saying I’ll blow away in the wind or disappear. I can just hear all of the remarks I will have to smile at and pretend I don’t mind.
I’m wondering if I should cover up more. Get a new dress that covers me from the neck down. I’m just so disappointed I won’t be beautiful on my wedding day.
My husband asked me how I liked it. I told him it was weird. I felt myself choke up mid sentence explaining how it was weird to see it on a model and then me.
If I can just put ten pounds on before the big day. Then maybe I’ll feel beautiful.