I’m curious. I always hear about how people feel nauseous and have a headache, but is that really all that people feel when they have a hangover? Because my hangover is nothing like that.
I went out for drinks the other night, and like an idiot, I got carried away. I’ve been doing pretty well recently, drinking enough water not to get drunk, but this weekend I was just so excited about meeting new people and making new friends I forgot to be responsible.
Usually, when I drink, I drink water as well and try not to get drunk. Yeah, I try to get buzzed, who doesn’t? Well, probably plenty of people but that is hardly the point. I know that when I go to sleep drunk and giggly and happy, I am going to wake up miserable. So in between each beer I try to have at least half a bottle of water if not more.
Well, this weekend I was meeting up with some friends and the two girls that I knew there are very new friends. So new, I just want to be around them and hear what they have to say and make them laugh. I get so caught up in the moment when I’m around people. I don’t even need alcohol; I get drunk off of their presence. But, you know, had to add alcohol to the mix anyway,
Also, I forgot to take some CBD before we went out which makes it harder for me to get drunk and makes my mornings better. So all around I was ill prepared.
And the next morning. The next morning, guys. It was like I was wading in an ocean of warm Jell-O. It was like spikes were all over my heart, and every beat jabbed my chest. My stomach was empty but heavy at the same time. When I stood up, it was like an anchor was attached to my rib cage pulling my chest down.
I couldn’t stop mulling over the events of the night before. What did I say? How did I act? Did I look stupid? Did I embarrass myself? I can’t be for sure because it’s difficult to remember every sentence and every moment. So I just assume that I did. I assume that I was a big idiot like I used to be back in my early 20s (first time I’ve ever really said that holy cow).
I used to get blacked out drunk and wake up to stories about me that I don’t remember. Wake up in a bed I don’t know who’s. Wake up in a house I don’t recognize. I used to get really really bad. I was reckless and careless and destructive. You know, I had Borderline Personality Disorder. And it would follow with that extreme embarrassment we all know too well. That humiliation that is multiplied by our stupid brains. Love it.
The first night I got drunk, I only remember half the night. I remember waking up in someone’s bed and being like, “Oh no. Like in the movies” and turning over to see my best friend sleeping next to me, making sure I was okay. (I love that woman). From then on that release that out of control that mania was something I went for anytime my lips touched drank. No matter what the morning was like. As long as I could be happy for just a few hours, I would take the beating.
I still feel that ways sometimes. Going days without feeling happy and wanting to drink so that I can have a break from it. Just wanting to feel good for once. Sometimes I cave, most of the time I just continue to wallow.
But my hangovers have no headache. My brain just doesn’t stop running and telling me how stupid I am. My hangovers are not nauseous; I’m just sick to my stomach in a way that vomiting wouldn’t cure.