I’ve been taking CBD for my anxiety and depression and it’s been working. But my social anxiety has been coming in extra hard because I have been put outside of my comfort zone. I want to be out of my comfort zone. I want to be pushed to become a better person. But it’s hard.
When it’s just me, I can delete a tweet, video, or picture that’s giving me anxiety. Sometimes on instagram, I’ll feel like I look too thirsty or grabby for attention so I’ll delete my picture after twenty minutes of paranoia. If I make a tweet that makes me sound stupid I delete it. But when you are on a live video for a company it’s there. Forever. And when I screw up, I screw up for me and someone else. It’s a lot of pressure that I know I can take. I know I can do this. I just have to keep going and keep getting uncomfortable. The only difference between this discomfort and the discomfort I’m so used to, is I am choosing to feel it.
It doesn’t help yesterday I also wrote a post that is titled, “I was a racist in high school”. Which I thought was a good idea because shouldn’t we all recognize our shortcomings and works towards progress? But now I’m certain no one read it and just assumes I’m a racist and that has been bothering me. I know that it’s probably not true, but you know how paranoia is.
I dabbed CBD for the first time and that has been the only thing that has made the pit in my stomach go away. I’m so grateful I have something that takes the gut-wrenching away for a little while so I can get my head on straight. But I’m ready to not need CBD anymore. I’m ready to just take CBD for general health purposes. I’m going to get there.