I don’t know. It’s just the more I put myself out there, the more I regret it later. I try to be fun and say funny things and whatever, but afterward, I can’t stop thinking about if I performed well or not. It’s usually just assuming I didn’t.
It’s starting to get in the way of my job. I have to reply to people on social media and the anxiety of “Did I sound stupid? Will they clap back? Did I make any mistakes?” hits me like a ton of bricks. Anytime my phone goes off, my gut drops to the floor. What did I do wrong?
I’m tired of this embarrassed feeling all of the time. I just want to be social and be normal and just feel normal. But every time I try, I end up regretting it.
I in no way think that any of these thoughts are rational. I have friends. I know people love me. But the thing is, it just doesn’t change how I feel.