I’m having a good couple of days with my mental health, and I just want to share some of the things I’ve been doing. I’m a terrible subject for any experiment as I cannot commit to anything, especially if it is healthy. But this has been working for me this week.
I know it sounds weird, but I started drinking water. I’m a dingbat and I never drink it. I will sit and down six cokes before I have a bottle of water. Mostly it’s because they are easy calories, but it’s terrible for me. I kept telling myself the more soda I drink, the more weight I will gain. I’m at 87 pounds right now, and I’m getting desperate. I’m light headed and weak all of the time, and I just want to be healthy.
Well, I started drinking two bottles of water a day. That’s it. Just 32 ounces of good ole H20. I’ve only been doing it for a few days, but holy cow. I feel so much better. In the mornings, I down about 8 ounces. My body hasn’t had any liquids for at least 8 hours; I know that it needs it. And throughout the day, instead of going for the cokes, I go for the water. I still have soda (I’m not a saint) but not nearly as much. And I notice my anxiety starts to go down when I drink it. WHICH MAKES IT A FREAKING PLACEBO TOO!!!! When my anxiety starts rising, since I have experienced and felt my anxiety go down from the taste, I expect my anxiety to lessen which makes it happen. I love when I brainwash myself.
So I have been playing with my CBD oil doses. I recently learned about the Goldilocks zone in medicine. Where you can take 5 MG and have no effect and take 100 MG and have no effect but feel juuuuuust right at 50MG. I have been under the impression I’m not taking enough CBD because it just tickles the anxiety instead of completely getting rid of it. Like having something stuck in my tooth and I can’t get it out. So I just kept taking more and more and got to 80MG a day. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working and I was getting so frustrated. So I lowered it. I’m at 45MG a day, and it has made a HUGE difference. So If you take CBD, thinking about making your dose lower could work.
I started working outside again. I work from home so I see the inside of my house 24 hours a day five days a week, and I very rarely go anywhere on the weekends, so it’s pretty miserable actually. I’m super lonely, I’m deprived of human interaction, and it is making me socially inept. But going outside for work has made me really get in the zone and feel better.
I’ve said this one before, and I guess I just forgot how effective it is. Playing music while I work, clean, play video games makes my mood go up. I always have inclined towards music; it was a big part of my life for about nine years. So bringing that back in has been helping out a lot.
I’m by no means better. I would love to go to a therapist. I have insurance now! But I’m scared they will make me lose the progress I’ve gained so that I have to pay them more money by staying around longer. I’m scared they will abuse me because they know how easily influenced I am. I’m afraid they will go, Oh wait, you’re BPD? Ugh. I’m scared to sit in the waiting room by myself with my heart racing and my eyes trying to trace everything in the room to calm down. I’m scared it will smell like an office I’ve been to before and bring back memories. I’m worried they will send me to the crazy hospital if I am too honest. I really just want to get fixed, and I know I can’t do it alone, I just can’t trust anyone else to have any say over what goes on in my mind. Maybe I’ll get over it. Until then, I’ll keep drinking water.