These Things Are Helping My BPD So Far…

I’m having a good couple of days with my mental health, and I just want to share some of the things I’ve been doing. I’m a terrible subject for any experiment as I cannot commit to anything, especially if it is healthy. But this has been working for me this week.

Water

I know it sounds weird, but I started drinking water. I’m a dingbat and I never drink it. I will sit and down six cokes before I have a bottle of water. Mostly it’s because they are easy calories, but it’s terrible for me. I kept telling myself the more soda I drink, the more weight I will gain. I’m at 87 pounds right now, and I’m getting desperate. I’m light headed and weak all of the time, and I just want to be healthy.

Well, I started drinking two bottles of water a day. That’s it. Just 32 ounces of good ole H20. I’ve only been doing it for a few days, but holy cow. I feel so much better. In the mornings, I down about 8 ounces. My body hasn’t had any liquids for at least 8 hours; I know that it needs it. And throughout the day, instead of going for the cokes, I go for the water. I still have soda (I’m not a saint) but not nearly as much. And I notice my anxiety starts to go down when I drink it. WHICH MAKES IT A FREAKING PLACEBO TOO!!!! When my anxiety starts rising, since I have experienced and felt my anxiety go down from the taste, I expect my anxiety to lessen which makes it happen. I love when I brainwash myself.

CBD

So I have been playing with my CBD oil doses. I recently learned about the Goldilocks zone in medicine. Where you can take 5 MG and have no effect and take 100 MG and have no effect but feel juuuuuust right at 50MG. I have been under the impression I’m not taking enough CBD because it just tickles the anxiety instead of completely getting rid of it. Like having something stuck in my tooth and I can’t get it out. So I just kept taking more and more and got to 80MG a day. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working and I was getting so frustrated. So I lowered it. I’m at 45MG a day, and it has made a HUGE difference. So If you take CBD, thinking about making your dose lower could work.

Changing Scenery

I started working outside again. I work from home so I see the inside of my house 24 hours a day five days a week, and I very rarely go anywhere on the weekends, so it’s pretty miserable actually. I’m super lonely, I’m deprived of human interaction, and it is making me socially inept. But going outside for work has made me really get in the zone and feel better.

Music

I’ve said this one before, and I guess I just forgot how effective it is. Playing music while I work, clean, play video games makes my mood go up. I always have inclined towards music; it was a big part of my life for about nine years. So bringing that back in has been helping out a lot.

 

I’m by no means better. I would love to go to a therapist. I have insurance now! But I’m scared they will make me lose the progress I’ve gained so that I have to pay them more money by staying around longer. I’m scared they will abuse me because they know how easily influenced I am. I’m afraid they will go, Oh wait, you’re BPD? Ugh. I’m scared to sit in the waiting room by myself with my heart racing and my eyes trying to trace everything in the room to calm down. I’m scared it will smell like an office I’ve been to before and bring back memories. I’m worried they will send me to the crazy hospital if I am too honest. I really just want to get fixed, and I know I can’t do it alone, I just can’t trust anyone else to have any say over what goes on in my mind. Maybe I’ll get over it. Until then, I’ll keep drinking water.

9 thoughts on “These Things Are Helping My BPD So Far…

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    1. I didn’t realize how much of an impact these things are! I’m glad others find help with these things as well, so I know it’s not just some coincidence that might not work tomorrow. Thank you for sharing and putting more evidence in these methods! ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  1. oh geez, my heart is reaching out to you right now. I read this twice. Both times I shook my head in disbelief. I hope you can find someone to trust that can help you over this struggle. You deserve to be at peace and live a happy and healthy life. By drinking the water that you know you need and sharing your story, I feel you want to be better. Water is so important to the proper function of your organs versus the soda. I am proud of you for taking that step. I’ll check in from time to time because I know I will wonder about your story. Until then….Keep drinking water and crank that music up!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This made my heart smile. Thank you so much for investing feeling into my story! And it’s weird but I notice what people say by wanting to get better now. Before I would wallow in it, I didn’t realize wanting to get better was half the battle. Your encouragement put a skip in my step today, thank you so much 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad these things are helping somewhat. I hear and understand your fears about starting therapy. I just want to offer another perspective… What if it goes well? What if you find an amazing therapist? It’s so easy to get fixated on the negative questions, the fears, worries, and anxieties, but sometimes taking a step back and starting to ask questions on the opposite side can really help. There’s nothing besides the anxiety holding you back right? I say take a chance. You can always quit, or find another therapist if a particular one isn’t helping. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t started seeing my therapist. She’s been a shining star in this messed up world and mind of mine. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, thinking about it in a way where I have control makes it a lot more appealing. I guess when it comes down to it, I just gotta bite the bullet and go for it. Which is so easily said lol. Thank you for this! 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

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