I’m not ready to say “me, too” on Facebook, which is kind of funny because most of the people I am friends with know I am a victim of sexual assault. I am kind of weird when it comes to traumatic experiences, so everything is a joke to me in the public eye. I’ve told complete strangers outside during a cigarette break in the middle of a conversation but just saying it quick enough for them to know what I mean and not dwell on it because it just so happened to be important to a point I was trying to make.
I am not scared of people knowing what happened to me when I can see the facial expressions and shrug off the event. I am not scared of telling people things that I have gone through when they see my head held high and not a trace of sadness in my eyes from it.
But I can’t do that while posting “Me too” on my facebook wall. People will generalize me with these girls who are bravely coming forward and trying to change the world and bring light to the situation. Which should be awesome, but the comments are always, “I am so sorry that happened to you.” “You are so brave for coming forward.” and the like.
I don’t want people to tell me I am brave for talking about sexual assault. I am not brave. I mean obviously. But even if I did post those two small words, I don’t think I would feel brave. It shouldn’t be brave. It’s just right. We should be able to talk about these things without coming out a hero for being able to utter words most cannot. Don’t call me brave.
I don’t want people to be sorry, never be sorry for anything that has happened to me. I am grateful for every miserable second in my life because of who it has turned me into. Except for some of the psychological effects I’m dealing with, but there is nothing to be sorry about.
I see the men trying to make their own me toos. Not because they were assaulted (though I have seen those), but because women don’t have sex with them when they buy them drinks. Because my reproductive organs are as valuable as a $6 cocktail. And it makes me laugh because they think they are rallying their brothers, but they are just alienating themselves from the men who stand by women.
I see the men who say that the whole “me too” is just painting women as huge victims and they want everyone to feel sorry for them. I truly believe that these women kind of think like I do. They don’t want to be brave. They don’t want you to be sorry. But they smile and say thank you because, to be honest, that is what women are trained to do.
I try not to get too political because I am too emotional for it. Emotions take the logic out of everything, and I can’t handle politics in the slightest. I am just too passionate to the point it stops making sense. But this, I couldn’t rally behind. I’m just not ready. I would much rather be in control of my audience when expressing something so personal.
So I’ll just tell you guys, me too.