I’ve been taking CBD for a week, and it’s just kind of weird so far.
I know I’m not taking enough, I can feel it. And the feeling is interesting enough to tell you about it.
I can feel anxiety like it’s in the other room. You know during the holidays when you escape to be by yourself for a while, but you know you have to go back out into the living room filled with screaming children and uncomfortable small talk? My anxiety is Christmas.
I can feel it wants to hold presence around me so bad but it can’t for some reason. I can feel it even swell, like a balloon in my chest unable to pop.
So the anxiety is getting fixed. And that’s great. I’m only taking about 5mgs by tincture two to three times a day. I know I should have a stricter regiment so I can fully value the results, but I’m crazy I can’t do anything right sometimes.
My depression seems to be worse. But not because it’s stronger, I don’t think. I have the ability to force myself to do things, something I was unable to do before. I didn’t understand how people could just do laundry. It felt like a monumental task to me. But tasks are feeling a little smaller. And I can feel it.
My depression is getting worse because it misses anxiety. They are like two close friends who can’t stand being apart from each other. And they can work so well together.
When I’m depressed, my anxiety is what motivates me. The disgusting feeling in my chest doesn’t go away until a project is done. And it is usually so intense that it forces me to complete things.
That disgusting feeling is gone. It’s like I was using flames to lick the back of a horse’s hooves to get it to run, and now my embers have gone cold.
Yesterday I finally got my CBD isolate from the guy I write for. I’m going to put it into butter and make small snacks. Since the bioavailability is different depending on administration, I’m thinking about doubling the MGs per edible that I have been taking sublingually. You see, in your mouth, you can get like 40% of the drug while when you digest it, you only get 6%. BUT the whole reason you do edibles is that it lasts longer throughout the day. Like slow release and fast release pills, edibles are slow release and other methods would be fast release. I need slow for depression and fast for anxiety, so I’m going to try the edible method when I get all my supplies and let you guys know if I still suck or not.